Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
