i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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