Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
