Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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