Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
