barbara walters just said penis...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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