I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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