hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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