we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
