I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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