the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
