i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
