I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I would ride that face into the sunset
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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