My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
