i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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