Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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