Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
