i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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