Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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