The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
