Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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