I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
