Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
