And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
