I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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