i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
