I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
