You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wear drunk well.
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