He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
