I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
