He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
there is puke in my bra ... again
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