In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
