Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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