Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize