I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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