If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
