its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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