After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
