my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
