i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
