Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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