My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
