chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
