Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
