Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
