The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
