I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
