are you so shy because you have an std?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
