Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.

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(847): View more from Illinois

how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?

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(818): View more from California

well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning

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(812): View more from Indiana

I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated

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(204): View more from Manitoba

New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.

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(483): View more from

Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?

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(386): View more from Florida

Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom

(407): View more from Florida

You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash

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