I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
from now on my penis is your penis
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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