So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
