at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
