that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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