I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
