I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
