Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
