i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
