I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
