Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
