You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize