3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
