You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
