I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it was like eating out sand paper
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
