When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
