im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
