Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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