You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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